Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is wine microwaveable?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
