his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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