I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
