I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
