I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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