She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
