Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
