Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
