Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize