Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
