The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize