new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
