Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
