i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
