and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
