I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
