I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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