Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He called his prostate his "boner button".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
