my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
