Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
