i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
