theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize