She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
