had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
