His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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