Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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