i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
