She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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