textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this boner is exhausting
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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