we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
