never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
