just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
