My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
