sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
