Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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