I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
