she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
