Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize