drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
