Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
COCAINE IS GR8
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