Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize