My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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