he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
