I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
