Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish there were birth control emojis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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