4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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