Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
