She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
