You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize