She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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