Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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