I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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