Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
