I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
