she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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