i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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