Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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