I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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