And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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