hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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