come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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