3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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