My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
