well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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