I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
