"it" just moved
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
