I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
