I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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