8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
