haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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