Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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