did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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