So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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