i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
