I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
