By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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