I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
