If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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