I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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