Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
