u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
