you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
